no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i believe in u and ur pee
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
