She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
