Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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