McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
