the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
