dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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