3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
