my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
