You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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