I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
