I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
