He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
