The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
