hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
