The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
