there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
