I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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