Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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