as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
