last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
