I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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