i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
