i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
