If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
