I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
