how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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