So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
