I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I deserve this hangover.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
