shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Btw I puked in your glovebox
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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