Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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