Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
