Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
