yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
