Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
