i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
