last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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