it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
