You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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