i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
