I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Michael Bay diarrhea
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
