You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
