there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My dick has a subreddit
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
