i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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