omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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