I think my fart just growled at me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
