my mouth tastes like poor choices
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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