i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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