I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I met the friendliest cop last night
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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