so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
