Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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